Today I wont write nothing related to my addiction or Dark Cat issues, because it doesn’t deserve more my pearls. Still hurts, still in the circle of pain, but my attitude is different. So, today I bring an article about Surprises, with the deep faith that I will receive one soon..but a good one!
Month: October 2011
Following process
Hi I am Annette, and I have been an addict to insane relationships for long time. I think still I am, although I have realized and accepted my problem, so it is the first step to defeat it. I have said this same quote many times, but I wish some day I really do something to apply the theory.
I have to confess that I feel different comparing the previous deceptions, perhaps it is true that beatings teach, and like this time the shock, the fall has been the most cumbersome and difficult of all, at least not anguish and uncertainty have taken 24 / 7 of my soul and my peace. I can not deny I still feel a spear through myheart when memories come to mind, and with them the questions without answer or explanation. I confess that I wept like a child, lying on the bathroom floor, where nobody sees me, but they have been crying short, painful and deep. Tears trying to wash the blood that remains in my chest after the destruction of my heart. And still that, much remains to mourn, but not because he deserves my tears, no, but to free my heart of this sea of pain and frustration that floods and presses it.
His indifference is the wall that prevents me to return to jump into the void As I have already done many times before.
I have to be thankful with my friends, that have been comforting me in many ways, with their ears, their shoulders, their patience. Evelyn, Kelvis, Marcela, Emilia, Larissa ..thanks GOD to put these great ladies in my way…It is a prove that HE loves me!
Is me! ….Yes, again!
Hi, I am Annette, yes the same fool…And I have a couple of hours without …..all right! if there is still someone who reads this blog, never mind….It is me ..again, and guess what? I have felt again in the same circle, vice, insanity, whatever name I can use to call this situation, that should be familiar for me, because I have granted the permission to take ownership of my soul.
After exactly one year and since my last post when I asked myself…Do I Win? Nothing has changed, I didn’t win anything, I entered again in his circle, and this time was worst. I am not going to enter in details, how far we went, or how deep were the feelings, because that memories, hurt me and cause and indescribable pain in the center of my chest….That’s not fair! I don’t deserve it.
However, I have to recognize that I accepted,and were my own feet who walked, blindly to the same black hole. This time I enjoyed more than never ever have done it. In the end, he throws me down, this time from the highest place we had been together.
Now I have discovered a time machine in my own blog, and reading my post since the beginning, I feel shame on me. But how can I avoid to fall in love in this way? No body has the answer, my heart is quite stupid, and takes control over me …Now I just want to say that I will use the same posts I have written and update them. I lose the whole war, after I had won important battles…and now I am again in the battle field alone, destroyed, ashamed but still hope, a little bit of hope, resides in my inner mind.
That hope is not regarding expectations about him or so, nooo!, this time his shame and his conscious, will be fried by remorse , I know. But this remorse, his coward attitude keep him far from me for long time. Making it easy for him, hard for me but definitive for both. My hope is that I will be able to get over, to recover from this epic fail…and this anger will become in something good ….but it is just that Hope…and Faith in God, faith that HE will give the strength I need to do it. Please God don’t live me alone!